Bobby Van's

A strong showing from a steakhouse. Not the type of place the Cheeseburger is used to, nor the type of society the place is used to. Expecting overpriced, and underperforming, I think we were all pleasantly surprised. I scored Bobby Van's at 77.

The burger was just enormous. Served with a giant pile of fries and fried onions. I love onion rings and fried onions, and this was the first place to serve them split by default. I like that. There was a bottle of their own steak sauce on the table. It was tasty, but a little on the sweet side and too runny to be very practical. No mustard was provided (none asked for though).

The burger was extremely high quality and cooked perfectly. Really good beef that is nice an pink in the middle is a luxury indeed. This may have been the largest burger we have encountered. It baffles me that they would insult such a fine ball of beef with a bun so terrible. Not only was the bun boring, generic and uninteresting, but it couldn't hold the damn thing together. This was very frustrating, by simply improving the bun, the whole experience would have been much better.

The bathrooms feature what must be the greatest paper towels every created. I would wear clothing made out of these.

We brought a guest on our adventure this week, a first for the Cheeseburger society. Turns our our guest pees like he's in grade two. Kevin started by asking us boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs? Results were mixed. Then he asked us over or through the hole in your underwear designed expressly to pull your penis through for urinating. Results were unanimous (except of course for our child-in-disguise). After much screaming and dirty looks from well to do patrons, Kevin attempted to convince us that he went over because briefs don't have the hole. When we demanded he show us his skivvies, he obliged. Naturally, the hole was right fucking there. Three grown men in a steakhouse pointed at his crotch demanding to know what that was, "a decorative pattern," he replied. What an idiot.