Landmarc

Landmarc is a decent restaurant (I suppose) with a decent burger (I suppose). Was it bad? Certainly not. Was it good? Sure. Do I care? No. Will I go back? No. Is this review over? Yes.

Bar Artisanal

Bar Artisanal might be the one. This, dear reader, is precisely why this society is formed. Expectations were low. The large, designy dining room was empty, save for the masses of staff milling about. What few customers were there were not of our ilk; the hostess hemmed and hawed about seating us without a reservation. A few minutes at the bar and she managed to locate one of the dozens of empty tables for us. Dressed like the dickheads we are, we received shockingly good service from the bar, the waitstaff, the bus boys and whatever else the throngs of staff are. It's a new restaurant, we figured, it's empty we figured, they can't afford not be all over us, we figured. But, before eight, it was pretty packed, and although this would normally upset me greatly, it pleases me to know that they will almost certainly be around for a while.

Boasting a cheesebar that, um, has a helluva lot of fancy cheese that I know nothing about this was an atypical experience for burger club. They also had fried cheese, I know a little something about that. You can pick any of the cheesebar cheeses to cheeseup your burger.

The burger is fantastic. This is a burger you could eat with a wooden spoon and no teeth. The goddamn thing just melts in your mouth. This burger is as close to perfection as I have seen. I lost my score card, and I don't care, because it scored high, very high. I think the only category that it didn't score hgih was the "giving me three burgers so I can keep eating them" category which I just made up. It a month ago and I'm actualy salivating right now. The fries were great, delicious, crispy and just the right amount of a little too much salt.

For the last three burger club adventures all three of us, at some point, have said, "Let's just go back to Bar Artisinal." Good golly that was a good burger.

Sheep Station (THEY'VE GOT POUTINE)

For you poor culturally deficient bastards who don't know what poutine is: a heap of fries covered in cheese curds and smothered in gravy. It hails from Quebec, unlike juggling (Quebec's other notable cultural artifact), it isn't stupid, it isn't paid for by the government and almost no one outside of Canada knows what it is where to find it. There are a few places in New York that will indulge my poutine desire, all of which seem to be (at least) co-owned by a Canadian.

The poutine was not the only culinary curiosity. The burger came with a slew of exotic toppings, a beet, pineapple slice, and a fricken fried egg. I thought they were optional. I was extremely upset to find an egg dropped across my delicious burger, but, due to my otherwise calorie deficient meal (poutine+ several black and tans), I felt I should eat the burger, as presented, with the fired egg. You know, for health. And it was good. Fried eggs on foods have never applied to me (in France, they served pizza with a barley cooked egg on top, they called it "Le Cyclopse" (that's french for The Cyclops)). Anyhoo, all those things on the burger? Delicious. The burger? Delicious. The poutine? Didn't you read the first bit?! Delicious.

It's unfortunate that I lost my scorecard, because they'd get a pretty good score. This is not the best burger I've had on my magical journey, but it does have the most interesting toppings, and for christ's sake they have poutine. The beers were great, the black and tans poured perfectly and a large selection of Quebecois beers available. They even had a beer float! A scoop of vanilla ice cream in a goblet of La Terrible (French for The Terrible). Can you even imagine? A beer float!

Zaitzeff

It is a complete mystery to me how this could possibly make it on anyone's top ten list. Unless, I suppose, that top ten is is over-rated burger joints with weird locations, peculiar table configurations and no bathrooms, but I strongly doubt that. Putting Zaitzeff on your top ten list is criminal. You are not doing your job, so I need to eat more burgers. My scorecard totaled a measly 52.

The burger, frankly, was not very good. It was quite large, spilling out over the english muffin is was precariously wrapped in. The burger was overcooked, "we do everything medium". The fries were plentiful, and the mix of sweet potato with yukon gold is nice, but they were soggy and unsatisfying. Although advertised as Kobe beef, it was bland, uninteresting and suspiciously reminiscent of the bad bits of the cow.

The location did not help, the entire front was open to a particularly unappealing corner in new york. Although I was not brave enough to venture to the bathroom, I understand it was a complete disaster. The staff claimed they didn't have a bathroom, "but you can...." and trailed off pointing up the starts. I think you have to sneak past people chopping stuff and spreading swine flu.

The beer selection was small, but very cold, so that was great.

Sweet holy moses this place sucks.

I Want a Black Iron Burger

This review is late, late, late. That's a shame, because the burger was great, great, great. With a score of 78.5, Black Iron Grill is makes a burger that you want to eat, and I want to eat another. A nice variety of craft beers are available - we were each recommended a different beer, and no one strayed for the course of the meal. The place was smallish and could surely get crowded, but our food arrived quickly and disappeared quickly.

The burger is a flat patty, unlike the aritsanal burgers you see in so many "good" burger joints. The patty is very tasty, and served as ordered, medium rare is medium rare and I like that. The bun, although a good brioche, seemed a little large, the double burger looked perfect. After I downed my burger, I was left wanting more. Maybe that's because it was just so good, but again, the double burger looks like the order to order.

The fry count was a little too responsible for my taste, I wanted more. Again, that could simply be because they are just very good, crispy and very well seasoned. Two types of mustards and seemingly uncountable ketchup bottles lined the walls. This was the first outting in which we each had our own ketchup bottle (we could have each had thirty).

Overall I was very satisfied. I would gladly reccomend Black Iron Burger. Get the double bacon burger. That may make me a glutton, but you're reading about cheeseburgers on the internet.